so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
