yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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