Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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