So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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