last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize