but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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