don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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