He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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