I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
