I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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