there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
