3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I puked a lego.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize