Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
