My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we're making bets on your personal life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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