the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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