You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
