you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
