My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
