all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
