and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
