I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
