Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
