On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
