WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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