I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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