my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
