i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
