There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
