I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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