Three words: puerto rican gang bang
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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