redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
