Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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