so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
