but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
