The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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