I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
