Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My breasts were aching with rage.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
