I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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