I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
