It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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