i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
