I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
