I got chris browned last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
