but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she looked like the before picture.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
