Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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