I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize