he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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