I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They have beer where we have blood.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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