he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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