That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
