He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
