Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
