Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
