Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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