He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
