I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
