Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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