The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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