I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
