Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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