Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
