I think i sorta joined a cult last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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